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You're currently @ inlovewith-him.bs ♥
Aaron Yan, he's my ultimate love.
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Yours Truly.
Yes, that's me.
Cindy Goodbye.
Leaving so soon? ):
Aaron
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Tuesday, February 3, 2009, 2:30 AM
Hello! ;DThis may be quite a long post.. So yeahhyeah, if you wanna read, read. If not, just treat it as if I had never posted this post before.. Hahaha. Random thoughts; Today, I found myself emotionally down.. Maybe it's b'cus of the 'stress' I'm facing lately.. Due to school work, homework that I couldn't seem to understand how to do, so on and forth. I'm not sad, or feeling blue over anything, so stop saying I emo here& there. Just that, some thoughts of mine. Thoughts~ Lol. I'm not in any mood to scream or whatever you call it. Perhaps I'm too tired? Yep, I'm quite tired already.. There's just too much things for me to do, &all seems to be never-ending, always. Yes. I would say it's true when they said; ' When the going gets tough, the tough gets going. ' I have to admit that something though. I'm not a 'tough' person to start with.. When the going gets tougher& tougher, at the end of the day, I would give up. And because of this, I found myself to be a total failure in many many things.. Like during the chinese test today, I realised that many words that I came across in the paper to be unfamiliar to me. Deep down, I know I haven't been revising the way I should be... & I've always been thinking.. Why I can't seem to cope with the stress that I'm facing? Why I can't, and my brother could. Whenever I'm stuck at a particular thing/question, I would think, why he could make it all the way to such a good, secondary school, junior college, &even university like now.. And I can't.. No, not can't. I mean, and I seem to be facing so much difficulties, in my work, even though my school isn't one of the top schools.. That's like even worse, compared to him, I'm nothing. Seriously nothing. I was thinking to myself.. If even this kind of study stress I can't handle it well, how am I going to cope with the bigger stress in future.. I really want to go to a good jc.. At least, I won't disappoint my parents, everyone who has high expectations of me, most importantly, I won't disappoint myself. And that I won't be nothing if ever I was compared to my brother.. I want to be that second star shining in my parents' eyes, but it's just so difficult.. But with my attitude towards studies, I'm starting to doubt myself.. Yes, I want to go to a good jc. But what's the point of saying so much, when I'm not even making the effort to study even harder? If he could, there's no more reason why I couldn't.. Yet, I still feel so helpless in terms of academic. The best thing of all is that, I've got no one to guide me along, help me in all these.. Some are just talking& talking, telling me this & that, but they'r just saying it.. It's always easy to say things, but when it comes to really helping me, they would be nowhere to be found. It's always that way. This time, I'm facing all these setbacks alone.. Not even the closest person to me is there, what more can I expect? I'm feeling so lousy now.. Kay, enough of my thoughts.. Haha. Today school was quite okay. I want p.e, but there wasn't any. Damnit.. But just now, in the toilet was freakn' funny! Rofl. :D I'm so angryyy now, I can't transfer some of my top fav. songs into my hp! And I don't know why.. Sighsigh,. Looks like I just have to listen them through a cd player.. Bye. I call it forever love. |
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