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Aaron Yan, he's my ultimate love.
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Yours Truly.
Yes, that's me.
Cindy Goodbye.
Leaving so soon? ):
Aaron
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Saturday, February 14, 2009, 3:35 AM
I don't know why I felt this bad as of now.Everyth just seems to be not where they're supposed to be. First thing first. Like the most recent one, the Maths common test. In short, I did badly. Even though the result isn't out yet, I knew that I did extremely badly for that. Somehow. I wanted so much to blame, blame that the school's switched off the electricity completely, and made me feel so hot& sweaty, that I couldn't concentrate, blame that I didn't try hard enough to manage my time on each questions, blame that I was easily distracted by every little things that were happening at that time, blame that I didn't study hard enough for the test, blame that I have been playing too much days before the test, blame that I have been saying 'Yes' to anyone who asked me out days before the test, blame that I have not been practising my maths, blame that there wasn't enough time for me to do the paper, blame almost everything that was out to stop me from scoring well for that paper. Yes, everything just went wrong on that day. Or maybe, days before. I could sense that I'm not going to do well, & yes, I'm right this time. I swear I did terribly. But so what if I had put all the blame on others or myself? Could it ever change the result on that common test paper? I knew it, I would fail that paper. Though I don't know how I've done for that paper, I'm very sure this time, this time, it's not going to put on a smile on my face, & disappointment to some people who were 'worried' that I might do well for this paper. Maybe they're happy smiling away now, 'cus I'm sure that I'm going to fail this maths common test! Go on, smile all you want. (I know if you were faking it or not.) And what's best is, this time's percentage is much higher than, all the small maths test which I've done quite well for. Sigh. What more could I do, except to sigh& cry? Yes, I cried. Just by thinking about it, can just make me cry, terribly. I had expected it.. You may think, ' This is just a common test, it's not even mid-year examination. ' Or, ' Just do well for the next tests to recover the marks. ' But no.. This isn't just a common test. This determines a lot of things& thus will affect my overall maths results. To me, every test means everyth to me. I treat every test of equal importance, be it small quiz, or even end-of-year maths examination. Same goes for other subjects. It's streaming year, what's not important you tell me. I'm feeling darn terrible now.. Nothing I could do to change anyth. What's over is over. Maybe I just couldn't accept the truth, I need time to think. What I can do so as not to repeat this hilarious mistake. It's hilarious. Why? 'cus who would be so dumb to let this chance slipped away? Thanks friends for comforting in school on Friday, though it really did not help in any way, but still, thanks. Be it genuine comfort or fake ones, I still appreciate a lot. Thanks, once again. Next thing is about current things. Some friends have been occasionally asking me out, one after another, either for a study meetup, or others. It's not that I don't want to, or making up excuses not to go with you. It's not. But do you know how important is streaming to me? I doubt you know, 'cus you always think that I'm just faking everyth to you. Or using that as an excuse not to go out with you all.. No, it's not. It's the truth, seriously. Even study meetups, I couldn't make it. Either because I've got tuitions(really have tuitions.), or I've no money. It's real reasons, not excuses or anyth close to that. & I think I study better alone, that in groups or pairs. Because if I study in groups/pairs, I'll end up chatting away, or playing a fool instead of doing what I should be doing. Trust me. It has happened for quite a number of times.. And I do hope that you all will understand when I reject certain outings~ I promise you all that when streaming is over, which means during end of year holidays, I'll make up for any outing that I've rejected. At least, if I have done badly for my streaming, I wouldn't be putting the blame on the various outings I've been going for. & that those outings took up my studying time or so on.. Yeah, I'll feel bad if I ever did that. It's like trying to push the blame on others, I kinda don't like it. &I'm not bias towards any of my friends by the way. I know this sounds random, but I felt that some may think so, that's why I'm saying I'm not bias.. I have been feeling lots of stress these days. Moreover, I'm chosen for FAC.. This means that I'll be going for extra trainings, and all that. I seriously don't have the slightest idea, on how to manage my time. & I've got to remember lots of things concerning CPR, and foot drills procedures.. And I've to endure a lot of things, like punishments, & so on. Adding on to that pressure, I've got a lot to catch up in terms of academic. How am I going to do that, when there's so much things to do? I know now, i'm all alone facing all these obstacles in my school life.. All alone. I have to be strong, to be determined about my goals, be firm in everyth I do, choices I made, &etc. I have yet to learn how to handle life stress, peer pressure, &etc. I have no more time for playing & fooling around,(i think they mean th same thing.-.-). Things are always easier said than done for me. So much things I've said, but if I did none of the above, then there's no point saying so much. Stress, stress, stress, pressure, pressure, pressure, please go away.. I've not much mood to continue though. I'm still quite upset over maths & some other matters though. Don't have to cheer me up if you really don't mean it, it's okay. (if you even care to.) Hahaha. I'm so (bhb?). Anyway, that's all for now. Bye. I call it forever love. |
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